At no point during my 35 years working in an office environment did I ever have any idea I was destined to become a healer in my fifties. Looking back, I can see how my spiritual side gradually opened up over a period of twenty years but not once during that time did it occur to me that I would eventually make such a colossal change for something altogether more wondrous and magical.
The most incredible thing happened to me during my daughter’s last months of her life. Although I didn’t know it at the time it was a series of events that were to become the catalyst for my making such a dramatic change in direction.
In 2009, at the tender age of sixteen, my precious, high spirited, vibrant daughter, Sophie, was diagnosed with Leukaemia. It started with a stitch-like pain in her side and within a week she was on chemotherapy. To look at, she epitomised good health, so the shock was immense. It was so out of the blue and the early stages so fast acting that part of me still struggles to believe it. She battled through a total of four years of treatment, which included enduring ten months of intensive chemotherapy, four blood clots in her brain causing a major stroke and temporary paralysis, a further eighteen months of maintenance chemotherapy, monthly bouts of epileptic fits over two and a half years and a bone marrow transplant in her third year. She took on all of that with an attitude of defiance and wicked sense of humour. Strange though it may sound, once we had absorbed the immense shock of the first weeks of diagnosis, we refused to think anything other than that she would survive, perhaps because the alternative was to horrendous to contemplate. Even so, when her seemed to develop every rare complication in the book, she still appeared invincible.
Being avid readers of The Secret and The Law of Attraction, we became experts at visualisation and it served us extremely well during those four years. Visualisation is where you create a desired result or situation in your head and you focus entirely on that being a reality, not as a wish but as if you are really in that situation and it is happening to you at that moment. You make yourself actually feel it happening. Simply put, you attract your desired results, making them become your reality. We kept focussing on her getting good results and recovering from each set back as if it was already in the present. Doing these visualisations during quiet moments each day seemed to be getting us out of all sorts of trouble. It worked brilliantly for us for four years but I now believe that if something is truly destined to be then it is fate and you cannot put that off forever, even though visualisation works brilliantly for everything else. By July 2013, I was struggling to keep my positivity. She had been in hospital on oxygen for three months with something horrifying called Bronchilitis Obliterans. I was beginning to register that this was not something people tended to recover from. She was very low and silent, which was never a good sign from her. Other than during one particularly bad patch of mouth ulcers she had not gone quiet in her four years of treatment, so it worried me immensely to see her so distant and lost in thought. I also couldn’t see how we were going to get her out of the situation we were in this time and I knew how important it was to keep positive so I arranged a Skype session with my spiritual guru, Solara An-Ra.
Solara is an incredible healer. She channels messages from the ‘other side’, usually from one’s spirit guides to offer guidance and support during difficult times. During our Skype session she said to me that my guides were telling me, “All you need to do right now is focus on your sick children.” I sat up with horror and asked her “What do they mean by ‘children’?” I was thinking that I already had enough on my plate without anyone else becoming ill and then I remembered that my eldest son had just experienced a problem with his heart which was now resolved, so I calmed down and said “Actually, don’t worry, they must mean my eldest and he is fine now.” She replied “No, they say it is the other one, he has pressure building behind his right eye and is probably getting headaches.” My blood ran cold, “What do you mean? He is my one healthy child!” I exclaimed. She replied, “They are saying that it is nothing to be concerned about, you must simply put your hand on his forehead and you will know what to do”. It was a boiling hot day and I was beyond exhausted. I had no idea what they meant, so with frustration I left the conversation confused.
To distract myself I went back into the house and asked my youngest son, Tim, if I could help him sort through his room. He was seventeen at the time and had brought back all his things from leaving school a month before and still nothing had been unpacked. My daughter and I were living in hospital and my two boys had been left to fend for themselves as my husband’s time was divided between hospital and work. As we began sorting through clothes in Tim’s room I thought I would ask if he had been having any headaches lately. His response was “Nope, never had a headache in my life.” I really didn’t know what my guides had been talking about during that Skype session, yet when my son bent down to pick something off the floor I impulsively put out my hand and placed it on his forehead – quite an odd thing to do I admit, but I did it before I had a chance to really think about it. He looked up at me and said “Mum? What are you doing? Get off!” Fair enough, I thought. I was behaving strangely and I didn’t think telling him was going to make me sound any less crazy, so I just left it.
I didn’t think about that episode again until three weeks later. I had come home from hospital to do some laundry and replenish supplies and I was sitting in the garden with my youngest, Tim, having a cup of tea and a sandwich. Just the two of us, catching up. Suddenly he put his hand up to his right eye and began rubbing it. "Urgh!” he said, “ I think I am getting a headache or something. I have this really weird pain behind my right eye” I nearly choked on my tea, the words from my spirit guides rang in my ears and I leapt out of my chair saying “Ok don't move, just bear with me and I will explain afterwards.” I really wasn’t sure what I was going to do but I stood to the side of his chair, put my left hand on his forehead and stood there wondering what to do with my right hand so I placed it gently at the back of his head. I just stood for a while with my eyes closed, took a long deep breath as when meditating and in my head, I asked for guidance. Very slowly I began to feel my hands moving around his head, the smallest, slowest motions. This continued for a while and I asked if he could feel anything. “Yes” he said “it feels weird, like a building of pressure” Bear in mind, he didn't really know what healing energy felt like in those days, none of us did. He then asked if I was moving my hands and I said that I wasn’t but I too could feel them moving yet I wasn't the one controlling them. I agreed that it was strange but told him to just go with it.
After a while my hands lifted to about an inch away from either side of his head and just stayed there. I then felt this amazingly strong course of energy between my hands. He suddenly said “Woah!” and I asked what he was feeling and he said he had just felt this pulsing go right through him, followed by a shudder and a feeling that something had shifted inside him. I told him I could feel amazingly strong energy between my hands but I didn't know how long it would continue, so I suggested we just wait. After a few more minutes my hands went in this half circle motion and pushed away from his head. The entire episode must have taken about five or ten minutes maximum. “Wow! What was that?” he asked as I finished. I replied “I’ve stopped now. It's done. How do you feel?”
He was sitting there with his head now in his hands. He looked up slightly stunned and I was beginning to feel nervous as I had no idea what had just taken place. He replied “I feel weird…. yet amazing! Almost like an almighty rush of endorphins but way better than that. My head feels suddenly completely clear and I feel a bit light headed, yet completely awake and energised, all at once.” We both sat back and laughed with a mixture of relief and amazement.
Then I told him the story of what I had been told by my guides three weeks earlier and he couldn’t believe it. To be honest, nor could I. He laughed when I told him about trying to get my hands on him while unpacking as he couldn't remember any of it. We were both a little stunned by what had happened and I still wasn’t clear what had actually taken place. I wondered if it was something like Reiki, although at the time I wasn’t entirely sure what Reiki was. The whole experience was so exciting that we couldn’t wait to tell my daughter when we got back to hospital. Her eyes lit up with hope on hearing our story. “Oh wow, Mum! That is incredible,” she said “perhaps you are a healer! Perhaps you are meant to heal me!” My heart went out to her yet at the same time I felt the magnitude of such a responsibility, not wanting to let her down. I would have done anything to heal her, including giving up my own life, but I had no idea what had just taken place and what it meant so I didn’t want to make any promises that I couldn’t keep. I told her that I didn’t want to touch her without checking with Solara as we had to make sure it was safe for her, but that I would do anything that would help. Later that night I emailed Solara and booked a Skype session with her.
When we Skyped Solara a few days later the first thing she asked was if we could feel the angels in the room. She said the room was full of angels bathed in a golden bright light. I have to admit that we couldn't. Despite trying to relax and be in a meditative state, I never actually saw any angels that night but I certainly felt their love and powerful energy in the room. It was a very physical force. It was so strong that it made me realise that it is true, we really are created from pure energy and it is no wavy weak signal but instead a power so strong that it can create a solid impenetrable wall if it chooses.
Solara instructed me on what to do with Sophie. I had to stand behind her, three feet away from her bed and to put my hands out in front of me with my palms facing towards her and my fingertips pointing up. She then told me to take my focus inside myself, putting myself into semi-meditative state and to ask my guides in my head for assistance, so I did just that. I just stood perfectly still and waited. I wasn’t sure what I was supposed to be feeling but to begin with I felt nothing at all. I took a few more deep breaths and continued to wait and gradually I began to feel a sense of energy building, it was as if there was a strong force pushing against my hands and I had to use my core muscles to stop myself from being pushed over backwards. I said to Solara "I feel as if I am being pushed backwards and I am struggling to keep my balance" so she suggested I take a step back. I did and it worked, I could still feel a force of energy but it felt as if I was on the edge of it, as if my hands were moving along the smooth surface of a vast invisible wall. She said that Sophie’s aura must have been larger than she anticipated and that what I was feeling was the edge of her aura. A few minutes later I could feel myself being pulled forward, so I told Solara I was struggling to keep from falling forwards now and she told me to allow myself to be drawn in and see where it took me and that I would no doubt find my hands drawn to Sophie's body. Instead, I think I must have stopped a foot or two from her bed and my hands started to move in swirling, sweeping movements above her body, quite separately at times and at other times mirroring each other. At times my palms were facing down and sometimes facing up to the ceiling. I was making great sweeping movements yet it felt as if I had no control over this. I expect I could have stopped it by opening my eyes but I just let myself go with this unseen power which had taken over my hands and waited to see what happened next, just as I had when I was working on Tim’s head. Next, my hands were deep in some busy more frantic action, moving to and fro. While this was going on I took a moment to thank the angels and my guides for their assistance in whatever it was they were doing. It felt like there was an urgency and a clear purpose to the movements. I started to feel completely overwhelmed by the power coursing through me and the lack of control that I had over it. It was far beyond my understanding at that time. As my hands worked away I wondered how I had come to be standing there doing something that felt so far beyond my comprehension yet at the same time I knew it was something deeply powerful was taking place and that it was a privilege to be part of whatever it was. More importantly, I felt certain that whatever was happening was helping my sick child in some way. Solara said at the time that my hands were bathed in the green light that she had seen surrounding Sophie at the start of our Skype session. As she watched us over Skype she said that I looked as if I was clearing energy pockets that had become locked and I was cleansing Sophie's aura and energy fields, re-aligning them.
After some time, my hands slowed their feverish movements and came to a still point. Solara told me to move my hands down towards Sophie's body. I moved forward a little awkwardly as my eyes were still closed and my legs came up short as I hit the edge of the bed. I told her I didn't know where to place my hands and she said just wait and they will find the places that need attention most. I took another large deep breath and placed myself back into my trance like state and slowly my hands began to move separately in different directions. My left hand moved towards to the back of Sophie's head and rested there. My right hand found its way to what felt like it might be behind her hip bone - she was lying on her side with her back to me. There they rested for a while. Looking back, I can see that I was connecting the energy flow from her crown chakra to her root chakra but at the time I had no idea what I was doing. I just let my inner consciousness take control. There was no sign of my hands wanting to move from these positions, so I waited.
Gradually the right hand began to move up to the base of Sophie's spine and it rested there for a while. After some more time my right hand started to move very slowly up her spinal column until it sat alongside my left hand. Then after a further pause it started to move slowly over her body again. Solara explained that sometimes one hand might move and the other might stay still and as she said this my left hand began its journey back down her spine. Unbeknown to me, I was re-connecting her chakras one by one. I became overcome by the strangest feeling of being all powerful yet totally powerless at the same time. This was not something that I was controlling. The force that moved my hands was strong, a dragging and pulling that I did not feel I would be able to resist unless I opened my eyes and broke the spell. My hands seemed to know exactly where to go and what to do under this guidance. I felt overwhelmed and emotion building in me. Despite not understanding what was taking place I trusted completely that this was doing good. It just felt right as if it was supporting Sophie’s poor battle-worn body and helping it to re-balance.
My back began to ache so I pulled up a chair and continued. My left hand had come to rest at the base of Sophie's neck and my right hand at the base of her spine. They were completely still. My hands felt hot and were pressing firmly on the two points where they had come to rest. Solara told me to place my second finger and forefinger of my left hand very lightly just above Sophie's eyebrows and to keep my right hand at the bottom of her spine and to just hold them there. She asked if I could feel the energy flow between the two up and down her spine. I couldn't feel a thing. She said to wait. So we waited and after a while I told her I could feel faint pulsing but it was as if the two points were out of sync. She said they wouldn’t be out of sync but there may be a blockage in the energy flow. I told her it felt as if there was a great big empty space in the middle of Sophie’s upper back and that the left and right pulses did not feel connected. She said that when it was ready the gap would close and often all becomes still before the whoosh when the energy breaks through. I started to feel strong pulses at either end of the spine but the one at the top one stopped at the shoulder point and would bounce back up to her head. The pulse coming from the base of her back would move upwards and then stop as if it hit a wall at the base of her ribs where it would bounce down to the base again, like a wave crashing against the harbour wall. The two flows of energy just didn’t seem able to connect.
After the session I realised that the stretch of Sophie's back which felt like an empty space, void of energy, was in fact directly where her lungs were. This is particularly significant as it was her lungs that were failing at that time. It is also the area around her heart chakra. I found myself willing the energy to break through this gap and flow completely from top to bottom. Then in my head I had an image of the energy at the base of her spine rising up like a great white crested wave and slamming against this invisible wall before re-coiling back, next I had an image of a huge fat rope (the kind they use to moor great ships) looped over the tip of this wave, it seemed to be trying to drag the tip of this wave up across that space to reach the top but still it would not shift. The wave was too heavy and the space remained. I became quite entranced by what I was seeing in my head.
I started laughing as I told Solara what I saw. And then suddenly I felt all become still. The crashing waves had simply stopped in their tracks. I waited. Nothing. The energy had completely gone now. I couldn't feel it at either end. It was as if the battle that was raging inside was too much and everyone had packed up and gone home. I felt a surge of disappointment. Solara said this could be the still point and that the energy would probably come rushing back through when it had re-aligned itself. As time went by I felt the pressure on me. Why wasn't it coming through? I couldn't feel anything at all other than my mounting apprehension. What would Sophie think if I couldn't get it to unblock? Would she take it as a bad sign? Would it worry her? It was beginning to worry me. What if I couldn't get it to re-align and flow as it should? I started to feel myself trying to force it, wishing it, willing it. I noticed that the more I tried the more it pulled me out of my semi-meditative state and into conscious thought. As I felt it all slipping away I took a large deep breath and tried to let go of my thoughts as I knew that active thinking would move me further from the energies guiding me.
Solara started talking to Sophie so I focused on listening. All of a sudden, out of nowhere, it started. No singing or dancing or breaking through the great wall like a burst dam, as I had expected. Just a gentle flow coursing of energy from the bottom of Sophie's spine right the way up, past the "no man's land" behind her lungs, to the top of her head and then back again. Like the gentle, steady, ebb and flow of an early morning tide. No whoosh, no drumroll, no excitement, just "business as usual" as if it had never stopped in the first place.
I wanted to shout out "it's back!" But Solara was talking to Sophie and I didn’t want to interrupt as she was passing on messages to her from her the guides. My hands started to move once again slowly and gently in various directions, pausing in various places to allow the energy to flow where needed. When Solara had finished talking to Sophie I told her the flow had returned and she was delighted. She said she had felt my pressure and knew it wouldn't help so had started talking to distract me. It had worked and it served as a reminder that you can't make these things happen, you have to surrender yourself because the minute you try to rationalise it or force it, it stops.
We came to the end of the session and Solara said usually you find your hands like to hold and rest in a certain point to finish, sometimes the feet, or the back or head but as she was saying this I felt this force pulling me forward. I was by now sitting on the edge of Sophie's bed next to her, just behind her ear. This force was pulling me down as if it was trying to get me to lie down next to her, along her back. I resisted, feeling a little embarrassed to do this on camera but as Solara continued to talk I realised I couldn't fight it so I slowly positioned myself lying along the full length of Sophie's back allowing the heat from my body to pass to her. Later that evening Sophie told me she had been feeling quite cold at the time, so was very happy to feel the heat from my body. Whilst lying next to her my left hand stayed on her shoulders and my right at the base of her spine. It wasn't exactly comfortable but it felt as if I was comforting her and offering her sanctuary and protection. And then it was over….
After a while, I slowly sat up. I didn't know whether I was exhausted or energised. What I did know, was that I was totally overwhelmed by what had taken place and that my thinking brain had had nothing to do with any of it. I have found an entry from my diary after that session and this is what it said:
“I have no idea where this will lead me but I feel it is the beginning of something life changing and exciting. I truly believe that I will be able to help in Sophie's healing and recovery and perhaps go on to offer others similar help in time. The guides have told me to do healing with Sophie every day and it will be my pleasure to help her although I have no idea how long it will take, what it will involve or how it works but that is part of the excitement and mystery, not having to know the answers for once but simply trusting and letting it happen, Whoops, I think that is what the guides have been trying to teach me for some time! Message received - loud and clear this time. I feel full of love and gratitude for my guides, my guardian angels and yes, God in whatever form he/she takes, for helping in me my time of need.”
I realise now that the healing that I gave Sophie every night for six weeks until the day she died was in fact incredibly helpful for her even though it didn’t save her. Those sessions played a vital role in clearing away the toxins, the emotional turmoil and the trauma that four years of treatment had done to her physical and emotional body as well as her soul. I am humbled and deeply grateful that I had the opportunity to help her in that way. At the time, it gave us all hope and I have learnt over the years that it is very hard to live life without hope. Love and hope are two key elements of life.
The day after Sophie died I emailed Solara to tell her the news. She told me she had seen what was going to happen that night when we Skyped and she had been waiting for the news ever since. Co-incidentally, or perhaps not, she was coming over from Ibiza the following week and she agreed to come to see us and to meditate with us. When she arrived we went up to Sophie’s room to meditate – her room has always held the most incredible energy – and she began to channel a message from my guides. At the time I was pretty raw and angry, so I said to her “While you are on to them, you can ask them what was the point of all that healing then when it clearly didn’t save her.”
The response that came was this: “This was not to save your daughter but the healing you did with your youngest and the work you did with your daughter was to show you that this is what you are meant to be doing in life. You have natural healing abilities but people will not trust this alone because they will not understand it. You now you need to go out and get some form of certification that people will be able to understand and relate to, so that you can use your natural healing skills fully. There is an element of your daughter’s spirit that will always remain connected to you on earth and she will help you and work with you from the other side.”
It was early October 2013 when I heard this message. By the end of that year I had signed up to do my Reiki Level 1 and there my journey of healing began in earnest. Since then I have learnt so much, yet I feel I am just scratching the surface. Reiki, crystal healing, sound healing, the benefits of essential oils, receiving channelled messages from our guides and angels to name a few – there is so much guidance and support out there that can help us find peace and fulfilment in life, even when we are faced with some of life’s toughest challenges.
I believe that teaching me about my healing abilities is the greatest gift my daughter could have left me. It was her legacy to me. I believe that deep in her sub-conscious and her soul she knew I would struggle to survive without her, as I would any of my three children. This gift has allowed me to remain connected to her for the rest of my life here and together we are able to help others going through difficult times. I frequently feel her working with me and it is the most incredible feeling in the world. Her full name was Sophie Eleanor Rose, so I have named my healing business so that it encompasses elements from all three of her names - Sophiero Healing. In her short twenty years she was always there for other others, now she continues to help people from the other side through Sophiero Healing and that allows me to honour her and all that she taught me on a daily basis. It is my legacy to her; an incredible daughter and an even more remarkable spirit.